Internet Gay 'Dating"**

**indicates a euphemism

Okay, I admit it, I love cruising the men on internet fuck sites; dating has little to do with it. Hey, it beats going out every single night to try and get laid. Now, you can cruise from the comfort of your own home while watching tv, cooking or otherwise multi-tasking (how 21st century!)

There are several things I have learned from this occupation and I willingly share them with you. Descriptive terminology can be very misleading. For instance:

Bear = fat and hairy
Stalky (sic), stocky, ruby player build, football player build, etc. = fat, but not necessarily hairy and I can't spell
Toned. tonned (sic) = not obese (see Bear and Stalky, et al.) and I can't spell
Swimmer's build = skinny, and on the way to->
Defined = emaciated
Dancer's build = skinny and effeminate
Athletic = I walk by a gym on a regular basis
Gym body = I work out and you better too
Jock = I work out and I'm conceited about it
Muscular = a totally subjective body image
Masculine = I don't shave on a regular basis and I have a natural speaking voice
Butch = see above, but overly so with a deep bass voice, rarely shave, a tendancy to ignor basic hygiene rules and a penchant
for cigars and wife beaters and leather
Straight acting = I don't get this one, why act? How straight acting is it taking a cock up your ass?
Fem = so extremely limp and girlish as to embarass women everywhere (cross reference to CD)
CD = I'm an ugly, overweight man who dresses in women's clothes and goes by any name hyphenated with Sue, Lee, Anne, eg.
Wanda Sue. Melody Lee etc. They barely pass as human, let alone women
Trans = I've had implants and take hormones, but may still have my cock
Hairy = you could mow my back
Smooth = I shave or wax, sometimes both, my entire body
Naturally smooth = I'm asian
Healthy lifestyle = HIV positive
Bareback = not only am I stupid, but I have a death wish
Top = I only fuck
Bottom = I only get fucked
Versatile = I'm ashamed about it, but I love to get fucked

This is not an exhaustive list and I'm sure I'll be back with more interpretations, but I'm hungry now.